I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
