i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
