you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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