its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
