I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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