All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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