you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize