What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
