I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
