yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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