I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
