the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
