i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
