Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
