There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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