yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
