i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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