On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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