I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
