if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
