And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
