You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
