just tell him i said nine months
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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