Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
