Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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