Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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