haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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