the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
