they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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