I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
