I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...