I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
