I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
