when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
