i jhust puked up my retainher.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's shark week go big or go home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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