sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
