just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
