I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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