just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
