what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
