So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
