Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
