You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize