this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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