If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
