I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
