I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
