Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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