My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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