I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you traded sex for a burrito?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
