Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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