I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
