Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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