May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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