i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do herpes really smell.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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