i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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