A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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