It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
