$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
