Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
